Yesterday for me made me realize just how difficult parenting can be. That all the wonderul things you believed went out the window and expectations were void. Believe me, I love being a mom but I never realized how hard it could get.
I guess I was a little naive to think that everything woud be perfect when we brought Camden home. That Addy would adjust beautifully and that I would be a natural at juggling two children. To some point I was able to give both equal attention and some days Addy is a wonderful big sister. However, the days where it all goes to crap....well let's just say it's down right terrifying. The reaction I got out of Addy yesterday made me beyond angry....it made me upset..crying..big tears kind of upset.
She got so out of control angry that when she went to time out she threw things in her room. Baby doll stroller tosed and many small objects while screaming. See Camden got diagnosed with an ear infection which was caused by the virus he had. He was extra fussy last night and Addy was lacking on positive attention. Justin was in and out while working on the lawn, we had to get dinner going, and I needed to give Camden a bath. All while starting to deal with his evening ritual of fussiness on top of an ear infection. So when Addy wasn't getting as much attention, she started to act up.
Once we put the breaks on for that and put her in time out she lost it. As did I. I couldn't believe the extremes she went to yesterday when she was in time out. We have never seen her have a rage like that. I was scared. Upset. Hurt. Confused. and most of all: reflecting on what I did wrong to have her react in such a way. I cried mostly because I couldn't believe how hard it is to parent.
Parenting is no joke. We as mom's, especially, are in a glass bubble. Constantly looked at, watched, and judged. People are always watching how you handle situations. For me this is tough. I have always cared what people thought of me or how they perceived me. I want to be the put together mom, that takes time to make projects with her toddler while teaching her infant how to reach new milestones. I want to always be organized and have a tidy home. I want to have the perfectly strong marriage to show our children what it's like to be in a loving committed relationship. But sometimes these things don't always happen. Last night I realized that we need to allow screw up days throughout the year. There are going to be days where everything falls apart. Dishes don't get done, time outs and screaming fits will happen, laundry piles up, toddlers scream at you, infants are needy, etc. We need to not EXPECT good everyday. If we do then we set our selves up for disappointment.
It's okay to feel like we don't have it together all the time. Parenting is hard. We are creating and shaping our children everyday. There are days that they get everything that we are trying to accomplish and some days they don't. They are going to rebell against what we are trying to do for them. However from what I have learned in 4 years is that no matter what there are always better days than bad days. There is always good with the bad. It's life. It's how we all roll.
After breaking down even more with Justin, he reminded me that she is also a 4 year old toddler that is learning and growing every second of the day. That her hormones are charging and gearing up for years to come. That her world and life that she has known for 4 years is completely different and while we do our best to balance it, it's going to be hard for her.
I need to remembe to be more gentle with my words with her. I need to learn more patients. I need to pick my battles because more than likely she is doing something for attention. I need to remind myself that loving her is the most important thing I can do for her and that I am doing a good job. I am only one person doing a job of a least 3 women!
So there. My post on the difficulties of parenting. It feels scattered and unorganize but that's ok. That's how I felt at the time. It took me almost all day to write it too because of the things we did today and having to save what I wrote. I can say that today was a good day. I saw the carrying big sister I knew she would be, I saw an amazing little boy look at her big sister like she is the best thing in the world, and I saw how giving the love that your children need can really make all the difference in a day.
Love
Jamie Lynne
1 comment:
So true! Loved this post! :)
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