So today is a really off day for me. At times I am okay and at times I am not. I guess this is how its going to be for awhile. Justin is not home, he is at a friends house with all of his friends, and I am home cleaning, trying to keep my mind busy. I am glad that he is with his friends but its hard for me to be alone for long periods of time. He also won't be gone too long. There are times that I am sooo optimistic and proactive on what we are going to do next and then there are times when all I can do is cry. I would be 11 weeks now and one week away from our next ultrasound. The dr. said our chances of miscarriage were slim because I was so healthy and our last sono was so good. What the hell happened? Why don't we know? We will never know. And we just have to chance it again next time. But at the same time we know that there is always a chance. There is always a chance that something just wasn't right with the baby.
I have also noticed how quickly my energy has come back and how I am not as hungry as I was. This is a harsh reality that I am no longer pregnant and that I have to get through the next couple of months. I also am going back to work tomorrow. Great this means awkward comments and looks of sorrow. Don't get me wrong I love the people I work with and quit a few of them have gone through this but its going to be rough. I can try to be strong but I know there will be one moment where I break. Okay I need to stop doing this. I shouldn't be writing when I am this upset. Its probably upsetting those of you who are reading this post.
Okay time to get in the shower. maybe that will help me a little. maybe it won't.
love you all
jamie
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